August 2010
1 post
May 2010
1 post
thanks, Hal.
Me: I am sitting on the couch. Balling melons.
Me: I'm such a baller.
Hal: I give that joke four stars
Hal: Raters gonna rate
April 2010
1 post
Culture-trolling
Eric: These people
are just so awesome
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp76ly2_NoI&feature=player_embedded
Me: is this real?
i feel like i just got trolled
Eric: no that's totally real
Me: dead serious
i was waiting for the punchline
that whole time
Eric: Gathering Storm amanda
Me: lol
rainbow coalition
as the little bar at the bottom approached the end i was like 'wheres my punchline?'
Eric: The whole thing is the punchline
That people like that exist
Me: i for serious thought it was gonna be like "and because of gay marriage it's- LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"
Eric: Amanda I mean cmon,
Their inalienable right to be bigots is being infringed upon
March 2010
5 posts
Forever 21
Leslie: The hell: http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=dress&product%5Fid=2067416829&Page=9&pgcount=25
Me: blurg
they threw everything at a wall and saw what stuck
and the answer was: everything.
Leslie: Forever 21 occasionally just wants to remind me that I don't really understand how the world works.
Thank you, Lady GaGa.
Me: do you feel like,
now that lady gaga exists
there's just nothing our future kids could throw at us
that would be confusing or weird?
like
our parents were just ill equipped for teenagers
but lady gaga
has prepared us
Leslie: XD haha
I had this EXACT thought
Me: SERIOUSLY
Leslie: walking to school today
Me: ARE YOU SERIOUS
LESLIE
Leslie: Yes.
Me: WE ARE BRAIN TWINS.
Leslie: I thought, man when my kids get into their music
They will think I am a cool mom
because I cannot be shocked
Me: oh, no. that's not ever gonna happen.
when mom isn't shocked, it's annoying.
not cool.
because you want to shock her
that's the point.
but at least we can't be shocked.
Leslie: I think I was like the best kid ever
XD I never wanted to shock my mom
Me: no offense,
but in teenager land
you were the boringest kid ever.
in real life land, yeah, you were the best kid ever.
Leslie: XD haha
it's troooo
“Amanda, I would say that there are many aspects to longcat, but one stands above...”
– Brandon
February 2010
6 posts
doesn't exist.
Me: i just had to sit brandon down
via skype
and confess to him
that i have a seriously problematic crush
on a cartoon character.
Leslie: On Zuko? I KNOW RITE
I KNOW
RIIIIITE
IT'S SUCH AN ISSUE IN MY LIFE
I could hug you right now
“Why say two things, when I can say one thing, and then repeat “Get it? Get...”
– Brandon, on double entendre.
“Dolphins is a people, but rats is not a people.”
– William
January 2010
5 posts
The Deal-Maker
Leslie: I have to look up the Kessle run for this poem
Me: Leslie.
Me: This is important.
Me: So please listen carefully.
Leslie: listening
Me: It's so important that I'm capitalizing and using punctuation.
Me: Leslie...
Me: Will you marry me?
Leslie: ahahha
Leslie:
December 2009
8 posts
Bedtime French Lesson
Me: pauvre bebe!
Leslie: XD
Leslie: pauvre bebe? Pour vrai, mon amie?
Me: pour vrai doesn't work!
Me: >.<
Me: FO REALZ, SON!
Me: there. that works.
Me: because americans are R-tards.
Leslie: XD why not
Leslie: sure it does
Leslie: it would actually be
Leslie: pour vraiment
Me: for truth!
Me: for justice!
Me: for liberty!
Me: for equality!
Me: for fraternity!
Leslie: you need to go to bed.
Me: HAHAHHAAHHAAH
Leslie: for sanity
“Your overreaction to the world around you is part of your charm.”
– Alex
After Watching "The Queen"
Me: Wow, so apparently Tony Blair's wife is a straight-up antimonarchist.
Brandon: You're right, that is apparently a thing.
November 2009
37 posts
“It takes two to relationship.”
– Leslie
descent into madness
Me(facebook status): happiness is a strange little man with orange dreadlocks, a copy of linux and a dry sense of humor.
Hal(comment): I feel like I should start making a chart of your facebook status updates as you slowly descend into depression and madness.
Me(over AIM): HEY NOW! that... would be a hilariously XKCD-esque chart, actually. -_-
Hal: roughly the opposite of proximity to cat, proximity to brandon! closer to brandon -> You're a boyfriiieeeend!"
Brandon is my Celebrity Crush
JediPsychologist: AIM at work?
TheEvilSpaniard: ssh, yes
JediPsychologist: *squee!*
TheEvilSpaniard: shhhh! no talking
TheEvilSpaniard: lunch is over
JediPsychologist: OK bye sorry.
hanging hats
Me: Oh, I miscounted. We're going to need to do a fourth row.
Brandon: Man, it's really good you weren't in charge of the army when we were fighting the Indians. The troops arrive on the hill and you're like "Oh hey guys, looks like I miscounted. There are a lot of them. Yeah, we're gonna need another row."
Me: (later) Do we want to go down the side or across the top? Let's fan out from the corner and zig-zag.
Brandon: Yeah, you definitely would have gotten a lot of troops killed. People come limping back from the battle in slings, "Let's fan out from the corner and zig-zag, she says! Pfft."
Me: ...
Brandon: I'm sorry. Everything you're saying today is reminding me of cowboys and Indians for some reason.
hangers for hats
Brandon: I like the little hinge. I'll hang my hats with this one. Because it looks like a little pterodactyl skeleton.
Me: Can you make that face again?
Brandon: That's my pterodactyl skeleton face.
Winona!
I had a weird dream last night. I was in an open air market of some kind. There was a display with your book, and you were there! At first you were wearing the cutest outfit ever, but then every time I looked away and came back, you were wearing more and more of a halloween costume with freaky makeup. There were a ton of copies of your book on the table, it had all these silly little inserts and...
Tomato Soup
Brandon: Can I do a half-can of water and a half-can of milk?
Me: Yeah, that should work.
Brandon: You see, compromise is the word.
Me: I'm sorry Brandon, but I guess you must not have heard.
Brandon: ...
Me: Did you not hear? No? :jumps up and starts dancing: WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD! BIRD IS THE WORD! A-WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD! BIRD IS THE WORD! SUUUURRRRFFFIIIINNNN BIIIIIRRRRRBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHEEOOOBLUBLUHBLUHBLEEBBLIDEE
Brandon: I said "A compromise, as it were."
Me: ... You didn't say it was the word?
Brandon: No. I'm sorry.
Me: That was a total waste.
Brandon: I would have stopped you, but you were in the grip of the madness.
Dorky relationship shit
JediPsychologist: OMGz my boyfriend is online!
JediPsychologist: that's so exciting!
JediPsychologist: now i can talk to him!
JediPsychologist: i really like that guy. so sometimes i like to talk to him.
JediPsychologist: it's really exciting when he's online.
JediPsychologist: ^_^
TheEvilSpaniard: ok, but let's not make too big a deal out of it
TheEvilSpaniard: my girlfriend is in the room
JediPsychologist: o i c
JediPsychologist: you don't want her to be jealous?
JediPsychologist: i won't say anything.
TheEvilSpaniard: ok good, dont say anything to her
TheEvilSpaniard: if you see her
JediPsychologist: i get it. you don't want real world amanda to know you're cheating on her with internet amanda.
“I mean, I hate that there’s no word for when your boyfriend is a boyfriend of...”
– Anonymous girl from college that I am just reminiscing about. (via natface)
I don’t know this girl, but this is true. I hate using the word because it sounds somehow immature and flighty. 12-year-olds have boyfriends. And no, while there’s no ring on my finger, this is a man who feeds my cat and...
“You’re just jealous because you don’t look like a Dragonforce solo.”
– Alex, on his crazy fashion sense
“What is a spouse, anyway? I know what a grouse is.”
– Brandon
More Emergency Contact Information
Brandon: What's the next number in your phone number? Is it a 2?
Me: No.
Brandon: It's a 5. I'm putting 5.
Me: IT'S A ZERO!
Brandon: Zero isn't a number, it's a placeholder! I could've gotten it. I would've only called... about... 6 or 8 people before I got to you. It's like my ATM card PIN. I could guess it in... 16... no, 30... definitely less than 30 tries.
Me: Isn't that how you got locked out of your account.
Brandon: Oh yeah. That has happened... on a couple occasions.
Emergency Contact Information
Brandon: Amanda's not really my spouse, but she's not really my friend. She's my ssspppprrrriiieeeennnnndddd.......
Me: Just click "other" and write in "girlfriend."
Brandon: ssspppoooouuuuiiirrrlllffrrriiieeennnddd??
Me: I'm calling you my spriend from now on.
Brandon: You're my spouirlfriend!
Me: Why is THAT the most romantic thing you've ever said to me?
